Friday, 27 April 2012

Lucky is not a word to use or take lightly...

I was at the hospital yesterday, where my 18-month-old son was having an MRI.   It occurred to me just how lucky we are.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to minimalise the fear I have that our situation might turn out bad, but ultimately we are just so lucky.

We have these great doctors, all be it they have to work in a bit of a brummy looking hospital, but the anaesthetist nearly put me to sleep with his totally calm nature, the nurses were a delight to deal with and you would of thought they spent 4 years training to be my personal waitress, but they loved their job and you could see it.

No doctors wanted to consult after the MRI so I am taking that as good news.  It was more to rule out problems than to diagnose one, so we were pretty confident all would be fine.

I have heard a few saddening stories lately about really sick kids; I honestly am not sure how I would cope.  I guess I would just get on to the job at hand, most mums and dads are self less and don’t take time out to feel self pity when there kids are sick.

I remember when my number 3 was born and he ended up in ICU, that was the week where I think my head was the best screwed on to my shoulders ever… Everything seemed very clear and I knew exactly what I had to do.  4 Hourly rotations of expressing milk and baby wipe downs, touch time and then a little sleep (if my brain could switch of).  My caesarean scar never once hurt me, even though I had to walk up a hill to get the hospital, I just felt the situation was controlled. (that is the best word I can think of to explain it)…

When all was ok and we came home, in fact not even that long, the minute he was in the ambulance being transported back to Devonport and I drove in the car just a few in front of the ambulance, the tears started to roll and I cried all the way from Hobart to Devonport.  The immediate danger was over and I never felt so out of control, I knew now the fear of what it would feel like to lose him. 

Currently as I type, he is in the room next to me, he is watching ABC kids2 (awesome channel) and he is singing, “painting a picture”… I think how lucky am I.  I don’t like the word lucky, it usually implies when it is said  “wow aren’t you lucky”, that a person did not work for what they have, it is not lucky someone brought a new car, it was bloody hard work that got it and that new house, your not lucky to have it, it is hard work that got it… or a lot of hard work to pay it off… No luck involved at all.

But I am truly lucky to have my 4 healthy kids.   When I got pregnant each time I was so excited and it was such an adventure, but the real truth is, the minute I fell pregnant I stood to lose it all. 

I and most people I know invest so deeply in our children and it takes no effort at all to love them, even when I feel I don’t like them on some days…  some of  us end up un scathed by birth and some get a raw deal, some have a perfect birth but get the raw deal down that track.  And then there is me and many, many others like me, I have had my ups and downs as far as health goes with my boys but on a whole, I am just so lucky… The cards played in my favour and that was just down to luck.

I don’t like to think that god had me in hand and blessed me specially, because then that implies he/she what ever you believe in, did not have the same blessing for others whose path may not have gone so well… But I know there was a hand holding mine when it was tough and I needed to be stronger than ever.

Today I am just going to be grateful that all my kids have their health, I can’t control the future and how it will play out, but for today they are good.  I can how ever guarantee there will be heart breaking moments and most Saturdays mornings will be just like last Saturday, where I yell all morning about jobs that need to be done, I will feel like I am the only mother in the world who is still in her PJ’s at 2, and when my best friend comes to visit the house will still look like a tip (the list goes on)…

But for today, I am going to take this nostalgic feeling, before next Saturday morning comes about and run with it… Because many people around me, seem to have some pretty tough stuff to deal with and at this point in time, I am lucky to be able to just relax and enjoy my time “whilst I am loving my family”.

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