I have a very dear friend who dropped in
the other day, out of the blue… why was this so special? she live on the other
side of the country.
We watched our 3.5-year-olds play… It was
really great, because although she has not been gone for a long time, it was
enough time to realize how our babies were growing, as before she left they
would play in the same room but not together, they were totally inseparable
this time and it was dreamy…
As the coffees were being drunken and we
were laughing about life, I was watching their younger son, who I think is a little over one, he wanted to
join in…well It was not taken well and a fight broke loose between the two
sibling… My friend asked me to write a blog about how to control fighting
sibling…
SO HERE I AM…
Now
this is where I need to leave a short space free so everyone can send me some
advice…
My kids fight continuously; I chose to look
at this as a sign of love, like a schoolboy who picks on a girl he likes. I may have my head stuck in the sand
but if I played referee constantly, I would never get any house work done... well
less than I currently do anyway.
The three main things are:
NO BULLYING… sibling rivalry is one thing,
but name calling and personal attacks are not fair for anyone, god knows we get
enough of it in the out side world so home should be safe. (this does not mean it does not happen in our house, but it is not left un noticed)
BE RESPONSIBLE… if you are the older sibling
and what you are doing will hurt
or be unsafe, you are at fault and should be punished… if you are younger
sibling and continually decide to play with someone you know is going to do
things to hurt you then you are at fault and wont get any sympathy.
BE CONSISTENT… if the rule is don’t call
your brother a Ranga, then don’t let him do it some times and then not others…
if the rule is no double bouncing on the trampoline when your younger brother
is screaming for his life, then no double bouncing… inconsistency is the mischievous spirit that breeds excuses for bad behavior
in the home. If kids know the
rules, they know the out comes, so there for cant sook for being in trouble, so are ultimately are in control of their own outcomes.
It is easy to micro manage kids lives, I
have friends who’s kids are scared to go into the play ground at school because
their parents monitor and watch everything they do to protect and keep them
safe (a good thing in moderation)… The fact is, we all need to learn how to stand up for ourselves and how
to make choices about our own safety and the people we should and should not
play with… Home is the first place we learn these virtues.
I by no means have perfect kids, I spend a
fair chunk of my day yelling, there is a lot of time with kids in their bedroom
for bad behavior and I too will put my hand up for using the TV as a baby
sitter on way too many occasions…
But for all my faults, I have reasonably secure kids,
kids who know how to size up risk and if they are willing to take it, then they
know there is always a follow
through reaction, be it good or bad… now don’t get me wrong, there will always be people
who don’t like my kids, (we all know what that is like, when you don’t take to your
friends kids) BUT as a whole, they
are confident to try new things, stand up for themselves in the play ground and
usually pick relatively decent friends.
So my thought is that watching your kids
every move, fixing their every fight, doing their homework, making excuses,
writing a note so they don't have to do PE, all the things we do to make their life
easier ( I am not immune from any of these things)… It does not make a role
model child.
Kid's learn how to be responsible for their own
actions in our homes… So lets build a future with bright happy confident people
and take a step back like Marlin finally did in Nemo… Although he was scared to
let Nemo get hurt, he dis empowered him by not letting him take the risks he
needed, too be able to learn where his inner strengths lay. When Marlon
finally let go, Nemo was able to reach his full potential and Marlon could be
proud of the choices Nemo made based on judgment not fear.
